“What If You Fall In Love With Someone Who Wants Kids?”
Right after I had my vasectomy my now ex-friend Faith asked me this very question on Facebook in response to my first post-op status update. For the record, faith is an ex-friend because she got a massive case of placenta-brain and wouldn’t stop posting about her damn kid (which she had out of wedlock, I might add). Well, that bit of history aside, it’s a question I’m frequently asked and I think it’s one worth addressing, because it’s rather interesting.
Every one of us, regardless of our sex, orientation, etc. has certain things we look for in a mate, and there are other things that are absolute dealbreakers. There’s nothing wrong with it, but that’s just the way it is. We all want different things in a significant other. Some things we might be willing to compromise on a bit, other things would make the relationship just absolutely not work. For me, having children or the desire to have children is one of those things.
My #1 requirement in a mate is childfree. The only exception I’d be willing to consider is if the person had children that were all already grown and out of the house. I don’t waste my time dating those who desire to have children or even fence-setters. I want an absolute commitment to the childfree way of life before I will commit to someone else.
Has this cost me a lot of second dates and potential relationships? Absolutely. Most women in most of the places I’ve lived want kids more than anything (or say they want to, but I already addressed that). If that’s the case, more power to them. I’d rather us not waste each other’s time and just move on. There’s no use for her to be with someone who won’t give her what she wants, and likewise there’s no reason for me to be with someone who will try to force me to have something I don’t want. It would be trouble from the start.
In essence, though there are some issues you could reasonably compromise on, I don’t think this is one of those, and that goes for everyone (not just me). I think the children issue is one that both you and a significant other absolutely have to be on the same page on before you get married. If you’re not, disaster will assuredly result. Stick to your guns on this one and don’t waver for anyone, regardless of how charming and attractive they might seem to you.