Monthly Archives: January 2012
So on my blog where I talked about dealing with parental pressure I received this lovely gem from a guy by the name of Dan K. Wynn:
“What a revealing post! For your sake I hope the reverse vasectomy is successful when you are finally a grown up and decide to quit rebelling from your parents.”
Well, apparently this guy didn’t read that post very carefully. I’ve known from a very early age (even before I came of a “rebellious age”) that I did not want children. Growing up I was, for the most part, a good kid. I didn’t do anything just to rebel against my parents. Of course I acted out on occasion as do all kids, but I never attempted to directly defy them.
I also find the irony of his comment totally hilarious. How many times have we seen on Maury or Jerry Springer these teenage sluts who are trying to get pregnant (or get their girlfriends pregnant) to spite their parents? Now that’s what I’d call true rebellion!
All of that however is beside the point. I’m an adult now, I have my own life, and that means I can live it however I see fit and I don’t need parental permission for anything. In other words, it’s impossible for me to rebel against my parents! Further, how stupid of me would it be to choose this as a mode of rebellion? If I really wanted kids, and didn’t have them out of sheer rebellion, I’d be compromising my happiness. As it is, having a child would completely and totally ruin my life, not enhance it.
Stupid comment really. I’m never having my vasectomy reversed and I’ve never done anything just to rebel against my parents. As I’ve mentioned, my mother is completely on board and supportive of me. She fully understands that I’m a grown man and am capable of making my own decisions in life. My father was not, and that’s a large part of the reason I don’t miss his sorry ass a bit and am glad he’s dead.
So whatever you say I suppose, troll face.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of childfree folk getting the short end of the stick. It’s not just in one aspect either, it’s in multiple parts of life. Most notably there’s the work scene, but there are a couple of other really troubling ways in which the childfree get shafted.
If you’re childfree and think you can get discretionary time off work, you might as well think again. Almost always if someone else with a kid puts in for that time off as well, you will be glossed over for that other person, just because that other person has a kid. How do I know this? It’s happened to me. When I was teaching high school I also worked a night auditor job at a hotel. I had just filed for bankruptcy and asked for the night prior to the 341 hearing off. Guess what? The other night auditor put in the request a day or two AFTER I did because she wanted to go to her kid’s basketball tournament the next day. As if a stupid basketball game was more important than a court hearing, I was denied and she was granted. I was absolutely furious!
I’d also like to know why new mothers are entitled to over a month’s worth of PAID LEAVE but nobody else is? Give me a break. If you’re not at work you’re not being productive so why should you get paid, while the rest of us have to make up your slack and we don’t get paid a dime extra. That’s absolutely ridiculous. Now, if you want to say everyone is entitled to a month of paid sabbatical leave to do with it what they want (including “maternity leave”) fine, but as it is we get shafted once again. Those women who never have babies don’t get any leave at all, which is not fair.
The inequalities in the system extend far beyond the work world though. Can’t work? Well, unless you have a child you might as well forget about getting disability because apparently people with children “need it more.” Can’t find a decent enough paying job to keep food on the table? If you don’t have a kid you might as well give up on getting food stamps. I’ve known people who have been outright told that if only they had kids could they get help. Seriously, what the hell is up with that? That is nothing short of bona fide discrimination, but apparently in this child friendly world parents are more valuable than non-parents and the latter group doesn’t matter.
It’s time we childfree folk get serious about our rights and demand equal treatment. Call your lawmakers, harass your bosses, do whatever it takes to be treated equally. We’ve been stepped on and shat upon for way too long. Take this as a call to arms for all childfree people, because we are people too and we’re not any less valuable than parents.
This is an editorial I wrote for another blogging site and I’m reposting it here. I think most of you would agree with this, but if you don’t feel free to comment and tell me why.
You know, I’ve been wondering for some time why it’s so hard to get a doctor to sterilize you, especially if you don’t have kids. Do the doctors think they know better than you about what you want in life?
Whatever it is, it’s a pain.
There is no law in any country prohibiting the sterilization of those without children. In every country I’ve looked at the only requirement is to be of legal age. Other than that, no requirements. However, most doctors will refuse to sterilize someone who doesn’t have kids. I was able to get a vasectomy without too much difficulty (and for men it’s not all that hard), but it’s almost impossible for a child-free woman to get sterilized. Once again, we see gender inequality here.
Personally, I think there should be a law that says doctors cannot refuse to sterilize someone if they request sterilization. Iceland has such a law and it works wonders over there. Such a law would protect the reproductive rights of people, and would even make the anti-choicers happy because it would drive down abortion rates by reducing unwanted pregnancies. The law is a win for everyone.
Nobody knows your desires better than you, so why should doctors be allowed to have any say in your reproductive freedom? Regret shouldn’t be taken into consideration, and there’s always adoption anyway for those who change their mind (we don’t need any more people on the planet anyway). So whatever. It’s your body, it should be your choice. Period.
The most recent figure I’ve seen for the cost of raising a kid over the course of 18 years is $226,920 (using the US dollar amount as most of my readers are probably American). Put another way, that’s $12,607 per year, or just over $1,000 per month. Add college to that, and you’re looking at more.
Assuming you have two kids spaced two years apart, over the course of those 20 years, you would have $453,840 less disposable income than you would if you had no kids. That’s a lot of money!
Needless to say this is one of the big motivating factors for my childfree choice, and I’ve done something rather sneaky. I’ve started a bank account where I put away the cost of raising two children away every month (and lo and behold even doing this leaves me with a fair bit of disposable income). By the end of 20 years, I will have grown that bank account enough to outright buy an Aston Martin DB9 (my dream car) and put a serious down payment on my own private airplane (if not pay it off outright).
Even among all that, I still have enough take-home money (after taxes and contributing to my retirement fund) to put away for an emergency fund and travel some. Of course, this is partly because I live like a plebeian in other aspects of my life, but you get the picture.
So, sound off everyone! What do you do with all the extra disposable income your childfree life offers you? Travel? Nice clothes? What? I’d love to hear from you!
Footnote: the cost figure is assuming you don’t get any financial aid from the government (welfare, food stamps, etc.). Of course, I think it’s BS that the government will take care of someone’s children, but that’s a rant for another day.
I’m curious as to my readers’ experiences having to do with the issue of parental pressure to have kids. I know it exists in the CF community, and that some people have experienced more of it than others. I’ll start off by sharing my experiences, then I encourage everyone to chime in with theirs.
When I outright admitted I didn’t want children, my parents were mixed on it. My mother I never got any problem from. She’s always been accepting of my childfree choice and has always given me her blessing to live my life the way I see fit. In fact, we often joke about my vasectomy procedure, to which she comes back, “It’s ok. You and your sisters were enough anyway!” I love my mother. 😛
My father, on the other hand, was totally outraged. Every person in his family was married with children and dammit that’s what I was going to be to. He wouldn’t have any of it. He hounded me day in and day out about it pretty much right up until he died (thank god he finally kicked the bucket). I was to raise up LDS children and pass on the “good family name” as every male child in the family had done. Needless to say, he made my life hell.
Things only got worse after he found out about me getting a vasectomy. The fur flew in ways it’s never flown before. I don’t recall him ever being as angry as he was when he found out (with the exception of the day I resigned from the LDS Church). He basically tried to make me feel guilty, and to be even more condescending he said he was going to pay for my reversal. As if I was going to! He just didn’t get it or accept any of my life decisions, really.
I stood firm though, and I know I’ll be a happier person because of it. My advice to my CF friends is to never back down. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean you have to listen to them. It’s your life, live it the way you want.
As I said, please share your experiences in the comments. I’m curious to know how you deal with this, if you have to at all.
(Note: I apologize for any typos. The wireless card in my laptop died so I’m having to blog from my iPhone, and you know how autocorrect is and how hard it is to type on sometimes.)
You know, if it’s one thing I can’t stand about being a major airline pilot it’s dealing with the rowdy kids on board. Yes, even during flight when the flight deck door is closed you can still hear the cries and screams of babies/children acting up in the passenger cabin. I remember my 2nd day on the job it happened at the worst time. I was at the controls of the fully loaded Boeing 737-800 series aircraft on final approach into the Merida airport on a day the winds were whipping around 35 MPH. The aircraft was getting shaken up like crazy and I had the airplane crabbed significantly to compensate for the gusty crosswinds, when a baby in first class started screaming his little head off. Needless to say, it was a struggle to maintain focus during this very difficult cross-wind landing. I got the plane down safely but it was hard to tune out the screams.
Well, that piled on top of everything that was starting to annoy me about airline life really prompted me to change jobs. Instead of flying for commercial airlines, I decided to start hunting for jobs in corporate sector of the market. As it is, I lucked out and found a really good one, and I start next week. I’ll be making twice the pay I was making as an airline pilot (contrary to popular belief, airline pilots, and especially First Officers like I was, don’t make that much money at all) and I won’t have to deal with kids at all. My passengers will be well-dressed and well-behaved businessmen as I chauffeur them to company functions and such. That sounds much better. I can only imagine I will be a much happier person after I start my new job and no longer have to deal with that sort of thing.
However, once again, I have to ask: am I an isolated incident or are there others out there who have done something similar? Have you ever changed jobs (or changed careers completely) to get out of dealing with kids? If so, how did it work out for you? Are you a happier person now than you were at your other job? Tell me in the comments!
I have to admit, there are certain questions that the childfree are asked that will just never die. The question of who will take care of us when we’re old is one that irks me beyond belief. As if creating a little human being for one’s entertainment wasn’t selfish enough (let’s face it, that’s what people who want kids do), this reason takes the cake when it comes to the most narcissistic and selfish reasons to have kids. That said, I’ve been asked this question enough to know how I personally respond to it.
So who’s going to take care of me when I’m old? Quite frankly, me! I take good care of myself. I’ve actually recently upped my fitness regimen because I’m trying to qualify for the PBA and I need to be in tip-top physical condition. I run close to 70 miles per week, I do plenty of strength training, and I eat a super-healthy diet. I don’t smoke, drink, or do drugs. I take good care of myself so that nobody will have to take care of me. That’s the point.
Quite frankly I can’t imagine living a life where someone has to take care of me. I think I’d rather just kick the bucket if I had to rely on someone to perpetuate my existence. Quite frankly that’s just living (as in being alive), and not really living (as in being able to enjoy life to the fullest). I decided a long time ago that I want to be independent right up until the very end, and that should it ever come to the point I can’t be, to let me pass on in peace and with dignity.
So I guess, for me, it’s a non-issue. I’m sure some other CF people out there have their own responses to this, but that’s my response. I just don’t want or need people to take care of me! I can take care of myself, thank you very much!
In the light of a recent influx of hateful comments with no substance (including some guy from Pompano Beach, Florida who threatened to rape me – yes, I know your IP address and geographic location and I could sic the police on you if I wanted to, but I don’t think you’re going to go out of your way to come to another country to do so [or you’re just tough talking and would never do such a thing]), I need to establish some ground rules for commenting.
I do not require names or email addresses for comments in an effort to promote more comments and discussion. That said, trollish comments with no substance will not be allowed on this site. You are more than welcome to disagree, post a dissenting opinion, etc. and you will not be censored for doing so. However, you will NOT directly attack another commenter or myself and expect to get your comment posted. I shouldn’t have to be saying this, but I guess I do because some people don’t have any common decency.
These are the rules, and if you don’t want to abide by them, you won’t be allowed to participate. That’s just the way it is.
First things first, I’d like to thank all of you who have been Facebooking, Tweeting, and otherwise sharing my blog and my blog posts. I’ve gotten a lot of traffic the past few days and some rather interesting discussion going on, so thank you all! I hope you continue to share my blog with your friends and that my readership continues to grow.
That said, whereas the feedback I’ve received has largely been positive, there are always those one or two detractors that have to have a word in edgewise. I was tracking back where some of my referrals came from and found one page called the Reddit Retard Respository. Scroll down a ways until you find some guy named “TAO.” You’ll see the words “this faggot” with a hotlink to my page and he then calls me a “comeback Hitler.”
All I have to say is, “Are you shitting me?” First things first, I’m not gay (and even if I was, the word “faggot” is completely and totally unacceptable, period), and second, how the fuck can I be a “comeback Hitler?” Are you seeming to imply that somehow I’m going to grow up and murder millions of innocent people in a mass genocide? Is that what you think of us childfree folk? I think your anger is best aimed at those who murder their own children for whatever reason, not toward those of us who happen to choose not to have children.
Sounds to me like someone is trying to cover up his parent’s remorse and his closet homosexuality, rather than trying to say anything productive. Look, if you like/want kids, that’s cool with me! However, my lack of desire to not want kids doesn’t make me a “faggot” or “Hitler,” got it?
Well, if you go back to that page, that wasn’t the end of the venom that was spewed toward the CF community. On a number of occasions, CF women were referred to as c-words (which is a disgusting thing to call any woman) who had “self-pitying delusions” and it was claimed that they believe that “children and people who want to be parents is some kind of plot against them.”
I think the only people here who are having self-pitying delusions are the breeders who realize they’re nothing but miserable failures and are deluding themselves into thinking their kid is going to grow up to cure cancer or be the next great professional (athlete of your favorite sport here). I also have to love how they label us as conspiracy theorists. No, we don’t believe children/breeders have it in for us and are plotting against us. We’re just tired of you not being parents and controlling your damn kids, THAT’S what we’ve had enough of and THAT’S what we’re bitching about. It has NOTHING to do with the fact people have/want kids. If you’d actually learn to control your goddamn screaming brat, and maybe if you’d learned to mind your own fucking business and not prod us about our lack of children/desire to have them, blogs like this wouldn’t exist! Did you breeder assholes ever think of that? Yeah, I didn’t think so!
Now, I know very well that the above opinions do NOT reflect the opinions of the majority of childed people. My intent is NOT to cast all childed people in a bad light (unlike the people above who are trying to cast all CF people in a negative light). That said, it’s people like that who make parents look stupid and look like they hate us. Some do, yes, but not all do.
One of my readers recently shared a study she did for a statistics class on the topic of childfreedom and religion, and the potential connection. I’d like to share that study with you all. It’s rather lengthy, but well worth the read.