Childfree Dating

If it’s one thing I’ve found being childfree really complicates it’s the dating scene. With a vast majority of people (men or women, it doesn’t matter) being either fencesetters or wannabreeders, it’s difficult finding Mr. or Miss Childfree in the crowd, sometimes.

Both of the relationships I’ve been in I was with childfree women, much to my pleasant surprise. I just happened to meet the right people at the right time, maybe that was a stroke of luck. It’s too bad neither one of my relationships worked out, for that reason (though now that I look back on them, it’s probably better they didn’t).

My personal policy on dating is that I don’t even waste my time on wannabreeders and most fencesetters. I just don’t want to wind up in a relationship with and potentially married to someone who wants children and would try to manipulate me into it or a fencesetter who later decides she wants children, and again will try to convince me.

I’ll consider dating a fencesetter if she indicates to me that she more than likely will not want kids. That’s the only exception I really make to my rule. However, if it’s a toss-up on whether I want to go on a date with said fencesetter or a completely committed childfree individual, I think it’s clear which one I’ll choose.

What’s been your experience as a childfree individual trying to find a partner? Did it take you a long time to find that childfree person? How soon do you bring it up? Do you have any set policy you abide by in this regard?



About coolchildfreeguy

Childfree guy living in Mexico City. Professional pilot by day, all-around fun guy by night.

Posted on February 9, 2012, in Childfree, Dating, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I had an amazing stroke of luck. After separating from my ex over the kid issue and looking at the local CF dating scene (dismal), I figured I’d be by myself for a long time to come. My rules were that anyone I dated should also be CF, no wannabreeders, and no actual breeders, because I have zero inclination to do any (step)parenting.

    When my husband approached me and told me he liked me, I said straight-out that I’m CF and too bad if he didn’t like that. Never did I expect that he’d say, “I’m CF, too!” But he did, and here we are. ❤

  2. Hey coolchildfreeguy, just discovered your blog and love it (I too am CF)! After randomly clicking around and reading some entries, I like your take on dating as described in this one. But what would you say about dating someone who is indifferent? I have to say that as a woman, I’ve met more than a few guys that have said “I’d be happy either way”. I wouldn’t call that fencesitting, and obviously it’s not a wannabreeder. But, I admit that I’m wary of them because people in that position can change their mind. On the other hand, things out there are already hard enough…what do you think? Should we CF give the indifferent ones a chance?

    • Well, I suppose an indifferent may work as long as you remain firm. If he shows any signs of desiring kids all of a sudden you either have to stay firm and reason with him or get out.

      For me, being sterile already, I’d have that leverage because I refuse to subject myself to surgery again.

      Good luck.

    • If I may respond – I would be wary of fence sitters, if you get deep with them and then they change their mind (for whatever reason) someone is going to get hurt. Please dont let yourself be talked into something you dont want just to keep a guy who obviously didnt respect your decision not to have children by flipping the tables on you.

  3. You should visit:

    It is the world’s only 100% free dating site for singles who do NOT have or want kids.

  4. It is funny that when I date a guy who has no children, after a while they want children and blame me for not giving them one. I am always upfront about kids when I meet them because I can not physically have one so why lie?

  5. IronBatMaiden

    I know this post is a bit old, but I share your sentiments as well. I will NEVER date anyone who is already a parent or who is a wannabreed. I will only date Childfree men or fence-sitting, but leaning towards CF men.

    I just recently got out of a LTR of 2 1/2 years with a childfree guy. I sometimes have a fear that I won’t find another one, but I know that it’s better it didn’t work out and that there are childfree men out there who will be better partners.

    Thank you so much for writing this post.

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