“Why Get Married If You Don’t Want Children?”

Another thing that pisses me off is when breeders ask the very question above, or some variant of that question. Are they seriously implying that the only reason to get married is to have children? If that’s not their implication, then they SERIOUSLY need a reality check and they don’t know what marriage is all about.

I personally can think of many reasons why you’d want to get married even if you don’t want children, and I think many people can. In my opinion, the only reason to marry someone is because you are madly in love with them and you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Of course, the tax breaks and other legal benefits you get with being married are an added bonus and add incentive to go ahead and tie the knot (as opposed to having just a long-term relationship), but the reason you should marry someone is for love and no other reason.

Further, as is evidenced by all the illegitimate children out there, you don’t have to get married to have a kid anyway. People have casual sex and/or premarital sex all the time. It’s not like you have to be married to have sex. I’m not against premarital sex, don’t get me wrong, but all it takes is one time to get pregnant. Granted, one way or another, it is favorable if the kid has access to both parents in the home, but I’m just making the point marriage isn’t necessary to have a child.

Oh, and here’s another reason that question pisses me off: what about those who CAN’T have children? If these people had their way, would there be some sort of required fertility test to get married? I absolutely cringe at the thought! If they really think breeding should be a prerequisite for marriage, then that’s the only way to go about it. Talk about a serious infringement on personal autonomy and rights!

One last thing I will mention about this ridiculousness. The lack of breeding potential is a common argument against gay marriage. In that light, you can see mainly where the whole argument comes from: religion. Laws against gay marriage are stupid and so is any religion-based legislation (well, religion is stupid too but that’s beside the point).

Breeding should NEVER be a reason to get married. That’s just stupid. Marry because you love a person, not for their fertility.

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About coolchildfreeguy

Childfree guy living in Mexico City. Professional pilot by day, all-around fun guy by night.

Posted on March 3, 2012, in Childfree, Dating, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 14 Comments.

  1. I agree with you. This is an asinine question to ask anyone. First of all, it’s no one’s damn business why or if you plan to get married and the idea that you owe them an explanation is both arrogant and rude. Aside from that, plenty of people who cannot have children. As you pointed out, there are people who are medically infertile and same-sex couples cannot have children in a “traditional” sense. Older people who are past child-bearing years get married quite often, as well, and they can’t have children anymore. True, these people could adopt if they want to (although when age or sexual orientation is concerned that might depend upon the agency you go through or the state) but not all of them want to. And STILL nobody questions why they should want to get married. Even same-sex couples weren’t really asked WHY they wanted to get married if they couldn’t produce children (and still aren’t asked) when it comes up in debates over marriage equality. It’s just simply asserted that they shouldn’t BE ABLE to get married because they can’t have children via sexual reproduction.

    I think that, by and large, the people who ask Childfree people this question are just being dishonest. They’re implying that they see no real benefit to getting married, no real reason in fact, if you don’t plan to have children. But, they wouldn’t ever tell a couple where one or both partners was sterile or a couple where at least the woman is passed child bearing years that they owe the world an explanation about why they want to get married if there are no children to be had and they do not plan to adopt. And while some of those people WOULD ask that question of a same-sex couple, many of them would not.

    It’s just a question that’s meant to shock you and garner a quick win for themselves while you’re either staring in disbelief or sputtering in anger at the sheer audacity and stupidity of such a question.

    Then again, the divorce rate in the US is rather high. If they really think the only reason to get married is because you are having, have, or plan to have children…then maybe that explains one aspect of WHY there’s such a high divorce rate. I don’t know the divorce rates in other countries, though.

    Anyone who asks this question and honestly doesn’t realize that the answer is simply that you are very much in love with your partner and want to make it legal…doesn’t deserve an answer because they’re obviously too stupid to be speaking in public anyway.

  2. With my own nuptials looming just a few months away, I’m glad you posted this. Our marriage is 100% about love and spending the rest of our life together–not about kids. When we discussed marriage, not even one word was uttered about children. We don’t want kids, we won’t have them–and we are still head over heels in love and still have a great relationship.
    Some people who ask that question probably only see life like this: Go to school. Meet someone. Get married. Have kids. Grow old. Die.

  3. Why are you against premarital sex? Is it a religious thing? I’ve been living with my partner for 2 years, and while we eventually plan to be married, we aren’t yet.

    • I’m not against premarital sex. Did I make a typo? My statement was:

      I’m not against premarital sex, don’t get me wrong, but all it takes is one time to get pregnant.

      I’ve had my fair share of casual/premarital/one-night stand sex. I’m no saint (I’m actually an atheist, but that’s beside the point).

  4. Hi, I’m new. I find your posts extremely helpful. I’m 21 and childfree by choice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we love each other to death. We’re planning on getting married in a couple of years and aren’t planning to have any children whatsoever. I do get that question alot too “Why get married if you don’t want kids” and it makes me furious that these mindless people have such opinions. Marriage for me, has nothing to do with having children, and those who marry because of that are morons and their marriage will clearly not work out in the end. Getting married is all about love and wanting to spend the rest of your life with one person.

  5. Completely agree with this post. Married couples don’t HAVE to have children. I’m currently dealing with trying to find other people who are also childfree. Surprisingly it’s more difficult than I thought it would be.

  6. I agree that married couples do not have to have children, but in my experience in dating many do want children. When I date a man and we start getting serious and then the question comes up, “Would you want a child with me?” and I have to say, “No.” It seems shocking to them, it’s nothing personal but I do not want to be pregnant. The thought of pregnancy disgust me on all levels. I find it completely repulsive. I enjoy children, I think they are cute and fun, but I am not popping one out so I can make a man happy. I am right now engaged, to a wonderful man. He is perfect for me in all aspects, he doesn’t even want kids. But here’s the catch, he already has children. He has them all the time, and he doesn’t want more. I always thought I would adopt, that I would never ever ever spread my legs and out come a child. Now I have this family, who loves me and I did not have to birth them. It’s nice that he doesn’t bug me for children, he says it is completely up to me. I am not his children’s mother, while I care for them greatly I have no desire to have my own. Everyone is different, to each their own.

  7. What if you love the person and he/she wants kids and have a family and you don’t?

    • coolchildfreeguy

      Remain strong in your childfree convictions. They’ll either come to accept it or they won’t and you’ll just have to forget about that person and move on. You might be heartbroken for awhile, but it’s better than winding up with children you don’t want, because you’ll grow to resent those children, I can guarantee you that.

      Seriously, do not budge. Your partner will either come to accept that he/she won’t have kids, or you’ll wind up going your separate ways. It’s better than having unwanted children (even if they are unwanted by only one party).

      • CrotchfruitAllergy

        Ayzman and anyone else with this question,
        I made the mistake of falling in love and marrying a breeder. The kicker is, I had my vasectomy before we married and while we were dating (not a secret). I said to her that if you love me, I can fulfill your needs. I was way wrong. I made a statement 3 years into the marriage that caused her to realize I was serious about being CF. She grew cold, distant, and we had a near sexless marriage. I threatened divorce a few times, but then she put more effort into the marriage. Then after 10 years, out of the blue, at age 36, she wants a divorce and is not baking down because she wants a carpet lizard.

        If she says or hints at wanting or needing crotchfruit, then you need to the hard thing and end it. She will not change her mind. My parents and I discussed many years ago that the marriage would be in danger between the age of 36-40.

    • I agree, you have to stay strong. There is no compromising on children. Either you want them or you don’t. There is no in-between.

  8. I’m 37 and have been married for 14 yrs. And one of the best things is that neither of us have any desire to have children, especially seeing that one of his sisters had 7! So why add more
    ? He knew from the beginning that I did not have one maternal bone in my body. We love each other and if anything we are thankful to not have the extra unnecessary stress and burden of a spawn. Luckily his mother never put the pressure on us nor too many other people. On occasion we have some breeder trying to convince us that it’s our duty or some other lame excuse, I find it funny how under the same breath they think their kids are a blessing then bitch about al of things they have to do for them. Well, no one made you have a kid too late to complain now! I wonder how they would feel if I told them that they shouldn’t have children, then I would be a bitch.

  1. Pingback: Better ways to handle kids not getting married! | Wyssyr

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