Where Are All The Childfree Men?!?

Do a Google search for “childfree” or any variant of the word and you’ll pop up a ton of hits to childfree bloggers all over the net. Also notice that a vast majority of them have one thing in common: they’re all run by women.

All of this makes me step back and scratch my head, because in my experience from people I know personally, of the men I know vs. the women I know, there is a larger percentage of men that identify as childfree vs. women who do so. Now, I know my sample size is teeny tiny and might not be really anything to gauge the demographics of the childfree community on, but I have to step back and scratch my head at this phenomenon.

Is it that childfree women are more outspoken about their childfreedom than the men? Are men ashamed to admit they won’t be passing down their family lineage/surnames? Are men more afraid of the backlash they might receive than women? Are they more fearful of rejection that childfree women?

Whatever the case, I think we need more childfree men to step up and get vocal about their childfreedom. For one, our poor female childfree counterparts need like-minded men for relationships/marriage. For another thing, though we both face many of the same issues for identifying as childfree, childfree men also face a completely different set of issues than do childfree women. Issues that are equally important to the issues faced uniquely by childfree women. However, because men aren’t as outspoken, many of these issues are overlooked or not brought to the attention of the general public. This is not a good thing.

With that, I issue a challenge to all you childfree men out there: publicly make your childfree declaration and make it big and loud! Make sure the whole world knows that you’re CF. Further, I challenge you to start raising hell about the issues that stare you in the face as a direct result of your childfreedom and start vocally fighting to even the playing field, because you know as well as I do this world favors breeders/wannabreeders over the childfree. Every additional able body we can get to step up and fight for our rights (male or female, quite frankly) makes our movement that much stronger.

Are you game?

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About coolchildfreeguy

Childfree guy living in Mexico City. Professional pilot by day, all-around fun guy by night.

Posted on May 10, 2012, in Childfree, Dating, Parenting, Relationships. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Good post. I tend to encounter more child-free women than men, although the women are often CF by ‘accident’, ie they’re not in relationships or through ill health. There is obviously the age issue, in that women do have a limit on the time they can reproduce.

    There are very few who are adamantly CF, though. I know very few men who are child-free who are my age, who are in relationships. Although one CF guy said to me that it’s unfair that I’ll never get a year off work just for having a baby, and he said it was unfair – obviously I agreed.

    I do know a few men who *wish* they were child-free, often the husbands of women I know who didn’t really want children, but have been coerced into having them by their partners.

    I wish men and women alike were more vocal about it, it’s as if they are afraid to buck society’s norms.
    Being CF is my default setting, and I only started being vocal about it because of frequent bingoes of “why, why, why”?

  2. I tend to encounter more CF women than men, but this is because the majority of CF people I know are on blogs and Facebook pages and stuff specifically for childfreedom and, as you said, most people on those things and most people running those things seem to be women. I think that part of the reason might be because as long as a man isn’t outspoken about it the way you are, people tend to just simply accept that a man doesn’t want kids if he says so. I’ve heard a lot of women recount how they were told that as women we have a maternal instinct and a biological clock that we will regret ignoring one day, that we don’t really mean we are childfree we just think we mean it. BUT…if we then say that our male partner at the time is also CF then that accuser steps back and shrugs and says, “well…okay maybe you won’t have kids, then. But as a woman, you’ll regret it later.”

    I always figured that might be why there are more outspoken CF women than men. Women have to put up with this maternal instinct and biological clock nonsense, whereas men don’t seem to have to as much. It’s not often considered too weird for men to not want kids and not plan on having any. It’s just considered an outrage when they stand up like you do and promote childfreedom for others and promote it as normal. Because, breeders and wannabreeders don’t like the idea that someone might be changing the status quo that so favors them.

    But, I don’t know for sure or anything. That’s just my guess based on what I’ve seen and heard from others about the way CF men are treated vs. the way CF women are treated (again, not when being outspoken but just simply when answering a question posed to them about children in everyday life and conversation).

    You’re right, though. There are unique issues that men have that women do not when it comes to childfreedom and unique discrimination, even embedded in our laws, which effect CF men more than CF women or which are designed to discriminate against men instead of women. There are so many issues that CF men could talk about and they simply aren’t doing it and it is weird that they aren’t. I think, though, that a lot of times if society itself isn’t giving a group of people a hard time it’s less likely that they’ll be outspoken about a grievance, even if there are laws that discriminate against them in some way. Because, the societal impact is often what you feel hardest, because it is constant whereas laws may not effect you until you do something to make them effect you and it’s easy to forget about them until it’s too late.

  3. fuckbeingadad

    OK, I’ll comment on this, but first I had a question. What specifically do you mean when you say we should be more vocal about our childfreedom? In other words, what are the issues that bother you? Are there certain unfair social stigmas that need changed, would you just like to see more proaction as far as telling people why we’re CF, or is it something totally different?

    • Everything from the unfair social stigma against being CF, to being treated unfairly in the workplace and/or in the realm of government assistance/disability/etc., having ready access to contraception and sterilization, just to name a few.

      I think society as a large doesn’t recognize that there exist people who don’t want children and it’s just “assumed” that everyone does. The more bold we get in proclaiming our childfree decision the more that decision surfaces and the more it’s recognized that there are those who think like us out there. The only way for the decision to become more accepted by society is to boldly and proudly declare our CF status, in much the same way the LGBT community has come out bold with their orientation.

      • fuckbeingadad

        Well personally, I haven’t really been confronted that much about being CF at this point. I think most of my family understand the economic situation is pretty bad right now and would consider it irresponsible for me to have a kid because of that.
        As far as unfair treatment in the workplace, gov’t assistance, etc., I haven’t really looked into the perks of being parent in that area. I don’t think I’ve been discriminated against on the job because of it, but I guess it’s possible. Whatever tax benefits parents get, while probably still unfair to us, there’s no way it makes parenting worth it to me.

        OK, now my excuse for not being bold about it is this. It’s sort of like I see it as an advantage to me to keep it a bit of a secret. When I hear a past roommate who was a smart ass to me, or maybe a girl that wouldn’t talk to me back in the day, or anyone I don’t like suddenly has a kid, it makes me happy. I know now they’re making huge sacrifices that I don’t have to go through. I could list the advantages we get, but I’m sure you’ve read those list on other websites. Now if they actually do enjoy teaching the kid sports, watching him/her grow, and all of the love and hugs they receive from it, well that’s a good thing I guess. However, if a person I will be competing in 5 years over a job, girl, house, etc. wants to have a kid, I don’t want to be too quick to explain why it’s not a good idea. I hope that makes sense.

  4. Hi, nice blog, I think I found the link on FB and as you said, male CF community is very small, so thanks for writing it. I agree with being more vocal, I have been over the past year or so and it turns out a lot of my friends from high school & college also are CF, they also are educated/business owners. I’ve only received flak from the older generation (I’m 31), my childed friends are mostly live and let live types. Unfortunately, I’ve been dating a girl with a Catholic family and that’s a constant battle. Anyway, thanks for blogging!

  5. CrotchfruitAllergy

    Everyone that knows me knows that I am CF and don’t really like most children. I use to try and make it clear so that no one would ask my then-wife. I knew it was a sensitive subject so I never wanted her to be bingoed.
    I work with different and new people quite often and we go through the dog-like butt-sniffing stage about where we live and families. I always answer the kids? question with, “No, I am allergic.” and everyone understands that to mean I don’t like to be around them.
    Besides posting my CF status on Facebook, I am pretty open about not wanting/liking little booger eaters

  6. Hey I’m a 24 year old male who doesn’t want kids! Now then will one of these beautiful childfree unicorns PLEASE love me?

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