I Support Brat Bans

Brat bans are a hot topic as of late, with businesses banning little kids quickly popping up all over the place. Restaurants, airlines, movie theaters, among other types of businesses are restricting kids, and I say it’s about darn time.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, ruins a meal at my favorite restaurant quicker than an annoying, screaming, bratty kid going nuts. I’ll be in my seat eating in peace and then along comes an annoying little shit who does nothing but disrupt my fine dining experience. I have very, very sensitive hearing and I can hear a kid crying from a mile away, so it doesn’t even have to be anywhere near my table. Further, if a family with a kid comes down and sits near me, I avoid confrontation at all costs by quickly packing up, paying my ticket, and leaving. I don’t want to be anywhere near them.

Also, when I was working airline I had one incident where I was tasked with landing a fully loaded Boeing 737-800 with 152 people on board (including crew) in a thunderstorm. For those of you who have never taken the reigns to a jumbo jet, let me just tell you that landing one in a thunderstorm is no easy task with no other distractions present. Well, there was another distraction present: a screaming kid in the first row of First Class. In other words, right behind the cockpit. Yes, you can hear that shit from up there. That was miserable. I was trying to tune it out and focus on the task at hand (landing the plane safely) but that just made the task even harder. I got the plane down safely, obviously, but Jesus fucking Christ. It about drove me up the wall. I wanted to confront the parents of that stupid fucking kid as they got off the plane but I held my tongue despite having to be restrained by the Captain. I was livid.

Then the bowling alley: a place that is usually overrun with kids who get away with displaying poor bowling etiquette and throwing their wall-eyed hissy fits every time their little uncoordinated arms throw a gutterball. Yeah, not conducive for someone like me, a professional-caliber bowler who’s seriously trying to practice or put up high scores despite difficult lane conditions. In this case, children go from being simply an annoyance to affecting my pin count, my average, and everything. If those drop too fast, I could lose my PBA card, which is NOT an idea I particularly fancy.

Whatever the case, yeah. Kids are disruptive, they’re annoying, and in a lot of cases, a threat to safety (as in the case of me landing a fully loaded jumbo jet mid-thunderstorm). This is why I support brat bans. Banning kids from fine restaurants, first class cabins, and after certain hours at bowling alleys, movie theaters, etc. would be a smart business move. Whatever little business they lost would quickly be made up for by people of my ilk who want a peaceful, kid-free night. And actually, studies show that businesses who enact brat bans are booming and seeing more business than ever. Chew on that, breeder brigade!

Now, some people are questioning the ethics of such practices, and I’ve seen some go on the slippery slope argument about how it’ll lead to LGBT bans, etc. at businesses. You know what? I don’t care. I believe business owners have the right to ban whoever they want from entering their doors. If they want to ban LGBT people, straight people, atheists, Christians, blacks, whites, kids, men, women, senior citizens, or whoever, I think that is their right, and I think laws that say otherwise are a load of crap and an infringement upon a business owner’s rights. Businesses should be able to cater to whoever they want, and likewise, refuse to cater to whoever they want as well.

And yes, if I owned a business like a restaurant, bowling alley, etc. it would be adults only. Period, end of story. I wouldn’t want kids entering my place of business for the peace of mind of my patrons. I can guarantee you I’d make serious money too.


About coolchildfreeguy

Childfree guy living in Mexico City. Professional pilot by day, all-around fun guy by night.

Posted on June 27, 2012, in Childfree, Law, Life, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. My particular hatred is for children in bars. Why the fuck are they there? Alcohol can only legally be consumed by adults, so why let brats in? Yet here (the UK/Ireland), the little shits are in them all.

    Even non-CFers I know who have the sense to go out without their screamers get frustrated with those of others in pubs (and other places).

    The whole slippery slope argument is a rather unfunny joke. Ethnic minorities, LGBTQ individuals etc etc don’t run around places of recreation screaming and crying (and if they did, they’d probably be involuntarily committed…).

    What is so bad about asking for a few places where adults can just relax without interruption? That is the point of bars, restaurants, cinemas, etc. And it’s not as if we’re asking every such place to keep screamers out.

  2. There was a time when parents would voluntarily remove themselves (and their kids) from stores, theaters, restaurants, etc. when their kids were having fits. They would feel embarrassed that their kid was having a fit or just being too loud and would take them out and go home, probably take away a favorite toy or give them a swat on the rump to teach them to behave and make sure it was known that the reason they had to go home early was because that kid was screaming. And just not take kids who they knew where not well behaved out to eat or on air planes, etc.

    Not anymore, these days parents think they’re entitled to ruin everyone else’s experience just because that’s “how kids are.” Which is a load of crap. That may be how kids act, but only the ones who either don’t know any better or don’t care because they’ve not been taught otherwise or know they won’t have to reap any real consequences and will probably be given their way.

    If your kid can’t behave or doesn’t want to behave or is prone to misbehaving to the point you have to stop, even for a split second, and think “I hope s/he behaves for this” then you shouldn’t take your kid to wherever it is you’re thinking of taking them. And if they are simply having “one of those days” and misbehave out of character…take the kid home like a responsible parent. Don’t take them places where it’s difficult or impossible for you to pick up and leave if they have a fit in public, because chances are they don’t belong with you in those cases anyway.

    This used to be common sense AND common practice. But, now parents have to be forced to parent responsibly. The excuses we often hear about it have been tolerated out of politeness or fear that if we don’t then the PARENTS will have a fit and make everything worse. It’s about time that business owners are stepping up to the plate again finally.

    Some places don’t even ban kids outright, they just ban them after a certain time or they have a notice up that says kids throwing tantrums or being excessively loud will be asked to leave, and even THOSE businesses get complained about, using the same tired (and often bullshit) excuses. There is no real compromise as far as irresponsible parents are concerned.

    I’m so sorry that these things are inconvenient to them, but it’s inconvenient for me and just about every other patron of these establishments to have to put up with screaming children that are not mine ALL THE TIME. If you can’t do the courteous and responsible thing by removing yourself and your children when they misbehave then something else will have to give. This is what happens. And rightly so.

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