Monthly Archives: July 2012
In my entry where I listed out my 12 reasons for not wanting children, a commenter who wishes to remain anonymous mentioned something that I think resonates true for most of us. He/she mentioned that it seems to be perfectly OK for the other side to ask us why we don’t want kids, but heaven forbid we ask them why they want kids.
I never really thought about it or paid much attention to it before, but “anonymous” is right. In the handful of times I’ve asked a parent or someone who wants to be one why they want kids, they went off on me like a swarm of angry Asian Giant Hornets. It’s like “How DARE you ask that question?”
Well, I have to say what’s good for one is good for the other. They hate it when we ask them why they want kids, but it’s A-OK for them to ask why we don’t want them? Uh, earth to breeders! Can you not see the similarities there? Of course, I’m not really bothered when people ask me why I don’t want children, as long as they’re nice about it. So long as they don’t give me the snooty, arrogant attitude we’ve seen too often from the breeder brigade, I’m cool with the question. Just expect me to ask the converse right back when you do.
Both questions are legitimate, I think, and I think it’s good to have to answer these questions. Answering these questions really makes us think deeply about our motives and what we want out of life. Sometimes we may find our motives are misguided. It’s not a bad thing to have to use your brain for a change, as much as people tend to hate using theirs these days.
As those who know me in a more personal way know, the single thing that pisses me off the most is double standards. Of course, in the whole CF vs. Breeder war, double standards are the name of the game, and 99% of the time it’s our opposition that lays down the double standards. This is just one of many. I don’t go for it and neither should anyone else.
The moral of the story? If you’re going to nose into our business, expect us to nose into yours. Period, end of story.
I figured I’d respond to some common questions I get about my vasectomy experience. So here we go.
Q: How hard was it for you to find a doctor to agree to give you a vasectomy?
A: Not at all. Yeah, I was turned down at a couple of places, but that’s OK! There are plenty of doctors out there who are willing to sterilize a childfree man (same can’t be said for childfree women, unfortunately), so don’t ever think you’re out of luck. If worst comes to worst, contact your local Planned Parenthood (if you’re in the US) who will usually be able to refer you to someone. If you want a vasectomy, you can get it, regardless of your age or parental status.
If worst comes to worst, lie to your doctor. I know one guy who eventually told one doctor he had three kids by three different women (he was without children) just to get the procedure done. They can’t play detective or investigate this claim (as such would be a violation of privacy), so keep that trick in your bag. You may need to call on it.
Q: Were you nervous before the surgery?
A: Not really. I’d had surgery before so I wasn’t that nervous. I was also too drugged up to really give a damn honestly! Yes, I was aware of my surroundings and conscious, but I didn’t give a damn. I was calm and collected through the entire thing.
Q: Does it hurt?
A: Well, I won’t say it hurts. Some parts are a bit uncomfortable (you can feel them tugging on your plumbing) but it doesn’t hurt. The most painful part of the whole thing was the anesthetic, and that wasn’t even that bad either. Of course, my doctor did the advanced no-needle/no-scalpel procedure, so the anesthetic was delivered via jet injection, which is about as painful as a rubber band pop. Other than that, there was no real pain.
Q: What about post-op?
A: The post-op is a bit painful, but nothing unbearable. They tell you to wait a week to resume your normal activities, but I didn’t. I felt well enough the next day to resume my regular exercise regimen. Yes, you’re going to be sore, but for the most part the pain is bearable and manageable with OTC pain relievers.
Q: How much did it cost?
A: It would have been about $1,000 had I paid out-of-pocket. My insurance at the time covered it, so I had a $200 co-pay from what I remember. Most insurances cover it these days. It’s actually quite economical.
Q: Did you notice any change in your sex drive?
A: Yes, I did. My sex drive improved! After I was officially declared sterile and no longer had any fear of accidentally getting a girl pregnant, my sex drive kicked into overdrive! Since I could now enjoy worry-free sex, I wasn’t afraid to engage in it. Before vasectomy, I was afraid to have sex for fear of getting a girl pregnant (which, in turn, killed any sex drive I had). Now I have sex all the time. I’d say that’s an improvement.
Q: How long did you have to wait before you were declared sterile?
A: I had to give two “empty” semen samples before I was officially declared sterile. That said, they normally tell you to wait three months. This is pretty standard practice now.
Q: You’ve mentioned you still wear a condom when engaging in sex. If you’re sterile, why is this?
A: That’s an easy one. While vasectomy is the single most effective method of contraception, it does nothing to prevent the transmission of STDs. Condoms do. That’s why I wrap it up.
Q: What if you change your mind?
A: I’ve considered myself childfree since I was a little kid. I don’t recall any time in my life that I’ve wanted to be a parent. As I’ve felt the same way ever since I can remember, the odds of me changing my mind are zero. That said, just to play along, I will say this: I feel that I would be better suited to adopting an older child. I couldn’t handle a baby and I definitely don’t need to be contributing to the overpopulation problem.
I get asked this question all the time. I think it’s a perfectly legitimate question. So, here’s a list of reasons I don’t want children, and quite frankly the list seems to be getting longer by the day (as if it wasn’t long enough already).
1) Children are expensive. Raising one child from birth to age 18 costs over a quarter of a million dollars US (Source). By the time you add college on top of that, the cost goes up to over $300,000! So an average household that has three kids can expect to spend almost $1 million raising their little “bundles of joy.” I don’t know about you, but I can think of a whole lot better things to do with $1 million than raising children!
2) Children are annoying as fuck. Whining, crying, temper tantrums, nasally, high-pitched voices, can’t leave you alone when you want to be left alone. Who in their right mind wants to put up with that?
3) I’d rather spend time on my hobbies. Ten-pin bowling, disc golf, guitar playing, piping, dancing, distance running. Having a kid would get in the way of all of these and effectively and dramatically reduce the amount of time I could spend on these. I’m not complete without all my hobbies, and that’s all there is to it.
4) I want to travel the world. I’d love to visit the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, go ring peals in England, play pipes in the Edinburgh tattoo, connect with my Japanese ancestry, among a number of other places worldwide. That might even mean relocating on a dime to each of these places for awhile. It’s much easier to do this when you don’t have a kid.
5) My career is pretty much my life. As an ATP with over 3,000 hours flight experience and counting, it’s what I love to do. I do want to work for myself one day as an independent contractor, which of course is a very demanding task. Again, having a child would get in the way of this.
6) Fur babies make better companions. A lot of us childfree folk jokingly say “sure, we have parental instincts as long as you have four legs and a tail.” I’m not different. My dogs and cats (and even my snake, I should say) never rebel against me. Their affection is unconditional. They’ll never hate me, throw a tantrum, or anything of the like. You can’t find that kind of loyalty in a human child.
7) Having children is a more selfish choice than not. Think about it. Did YOU ask to be born? Did your parents consult you before bringing you into this world? Of course not! They made that choice for you because they wanted a miniature them running around the house for their own entertainment. Whether you want to accept the fact or not, that’s exactly why you want kids, too. If that’s not selfish, I don’t know what is.
8) Having children is ethically questionable. Bringing a life into this world invariably causes that life to suffer, as all living beings suffer at some point in their lives. Causing another living being to suffer is unethical. Hence it could be argued very strongly that having children is unethical.
9) I don’t have the right kind of personality. I’m an abrasive, cynical, brash, sarcastic, snarky, narcissistic pain in the ass. Not going to lie and say that’s what I’m not, because it’s what I am. I liken myself to a real-life version of Greg House. Can you see House having children or making a good parent in any capacity? Then what makes you think I’d make a good parent?
10) I have terrible genes. I’m a carrier for (two, as I’ve now found out) autoimmune diseases, though I only officially suffer from one of them (Graves’ Disease) and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. I also have been successfully treated for Wolff-Parkinson-White syndrome, a heart condition that’s thought to be genetic (I’m not the only one in my family with it). It would be absolutely cruel to pass on my defective genes to the next generation.
11) I’m not monogamous. Children invariably do best in a monogamous household with two parents of any combination of sexes (M/F, M/M, F/F – and don’t even bring that up, all legitimate research shows that children do just as well with same sex parents as opposite sex parents). As someone who likes to have multiple sexual partners and never stays with any woman for any length of time, it would cause turbulence trying to raise and support children. Not the best of situations. Bringing some other random woman home all the time would mind-fuck any kids I’d have and I know it.
12) Whether or not I’m actually capable of loving another human being is questionable, at best. Some seem to think I can, some think I can’t. I don’t know if I can or not. I’ve never felt an emotion that could be defined clearly as love (in my mind), though I’ve probably felt bits and pieces of it in the past. I do know, however, that I’ve never been “in love,” even in my past relationships. That might sound bad, but it’s the truth.
So there you have it. Those are my reasons for not wanting children. Make what you will of them, and if you try to breeder bingo me, I will delete your comment (and/or not approve your comment). That’s all there is to it.
So I got a comment on my old post about Childfree dating about a childfree dating site. I decided to check it out and it seems legit.
I’m not into dating at the moment. I’m still in my “sleep around” stage I’m afraid (typical mid 20s male, eh?) but I’m linking here in case you want to check it out.
Re-posting here as I was quoted in this story. I’m famous ;-P
Childfree people around the world have banded together to call for a boycott against the Apple Computer Company, claiming they are being unfairly discriminated against due to Apple’s lack of inclusion of the word “childfree” in their devices’ dictionaries, which flags it as a misspelling.
Apple, makers of the famed Macintosh computer and the “iProducts” does not include the word “childfree” in its spell-check dictionary, while the word “childless” is included and is recognized by spell-check. Unlike Apple’s, Microsoft’s spell-check dictionary includes the word “childfree” and does not flag it as a misspelling.
The childfree community claims that Apple is being discriminatory against them, erroneously labeling all people who don’t have children as “childless.” Childfree people claim that the term is used to differentiate them and place emphasis on the fact that their lack of children is by choice rather than by circumstance, and they should not be grouped together with childless persons.
Lynn M., corporate pilot and author of the popular childfree-themed blog Cool Childfree Guy, who does not want his last name revealed for fear of retaliation from the Apple Computer Company and angry parents, had this to say:
“I’m disappointed that Apple has chosen to not recognize us childfree people for who we are. They’ve sent their message loud and clear that we’re not people worthy of recognition. They, like so many other individuals and companies, appear to think that one’s worthiness is dependent on their ability and willingness to breed. For those reasons, I cannot in good conscience support Apple or its products. I call on all the members of the childfree community to switch to the childfree-friendly PC.”
Apple has not yet responded to this delicate matter.
This story brought to you by CNN, the Childfree News Network.
Among all the the questions about whether or not to have children, one often gets overlooked in my mind, and that is the question of ethics. I’m sure you could probably make arguments for either side (and I challenge someone to argue from the other point of view), but I’m going to make an ethical case against having children in the modern era.
Take a look at the world around you. Seriously, just take a look at it. We humans have turned it into a scary place indeed. War, conflict, unrest, disease, famine, and the list goes on. The modern world is a very, very scary and gloomy place indeed. We’re using up our unrenewable resources faster than we ever imagined possible, and before too long we won’t have the very resources we’ve come to rely on to sustain our species.
The closer we get to running out of those resources, the competition for those very resources increases. And how do humans compete? More war, more conflict, more fighting. Combine that with the fact the human population is still growing at a rapid rate, and you can see where this is going: this world is going to be a total disaster area In other words, this world is going to become a more hostile environment with each passing generation, and quite frankly I’m just glad I won’t be alive to see the very worst of it. “World peace?” It’s never going to happen, and the more time goes by, the farther away from world peace we’re going to get.
So, with that, why would you subject another poor little human to this world that’s becoming ever crueler and more dangerous? How could you, in good conscience, do such a thing? I know I couldn’t. I’d never be able to live with myself and I’d feel guilty about doing so.
In that light, my ultimate answer to the question is that it is in no way ethical to bring new life into this world in this day and age.