Turning The Tables: Why Do You (Parents/Future Parents) Want Kids?

In my entry where I listed out my 12 reasons for not wanting children, a commenter who wishes to remain anonymous mentioned something that I think resonates true for most of us. He/she mentioned that it seems to be perfectly OK for the other side to ask us why we don’t want kids, but heaven forbid we ask them why they want kids.

I never really thought about it or paid much attention to it before, but “anonymous” is right. In the handful of times I’ve asked a parent or someone who wants to be one why they want kids, they went off on me like a swarm of angry Asian Giant Hornets. It’s like “How DARE you ask that question?”

Well, I have to say what’s good for one is good for the other. They hate it when we ask them why they want kids, but it’s A-OK for them to ask why we don’t want them? Uh, earth to breeders! Can you not see the similarities there? Of course, I’m not really bothered when people ask me why I don’t want children, as long as they’re nice about it. So long as they don’t give me the snooty, arrogant attitude we’ve seen too often from the breeder brigade, I’m cool with the question. Just expect me to ask the converse right back when you do.

Both questions are legitimate, I think, and I think it’s good to have to answer these questions. Answering these questions really makes us think deeply about our motives and what we want out of life. Sometimes we may find our motives are misguided. It’s not a bad thing to have to use your brain for a change, as much as people tend to hate using theirs these days.

As those who know me in a more personal way know, the single thing that pisses me off the most is double standards. Of course, in the whole CF vs. Breeder war, double standards are the name of the game, and 99% of the time it’s our opposition that lays down the double standards. This is just one of many. I don’t go for it and neither should anyone else.

The moral of the story? If you’re going to nose into our business, expect us to nose into yours. Period, end of story.


About coolchildfreeguy

Childfree guy living in Mexico City. Professional pilot by day, all-around fun guy by night.

Posted on July 26, 2012, in Childfree, Life, Parenting. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Pretty much all of their reasons are covered here:

  2. What a depressing pdf (above)! It kept telling folks to adopt, which is great–but that means that someone has to do your breeding for you, right? So the argument above is basically, “Don’t breed; stupid people already have that covered, and you can just adopt all their unwanted babies if you’re desperate for kids”? What a sad way to look at life.

    You pose an excellent question, and it doesn’t have an easy answer. In part, people have kids because that’s the default position. It’s instinct, species preservation. Is it a particularly good reason? I guess that depends if you’re attached to our species, or if you’re fine with saying folks should quit breeding and let humanity die out.

    I have three kids. They are awesome. They’re a TON of work, so I can completely understand why some friends of mine don’t want to bother having any, but… I have always wanted to be a mom. I think it’s the ultimate challenge and the ultimate privilege. I wanted to help raise a few thoughtful members of the next generation. I wanted to pass my values and beliefs on to the future, because I think I live well, in a way that cares for myself, others, and the world. If responsible, hard-working people don’t have children, then only irresponsible, lazy values get passed to the next generation, right? So I’m helping to preserve humanity through my sacrificial parenting! 😉 (Because you KNOW breeding isn’t going to end anytime soon; people love sex, and they’re not always so responsible about it.)

    Could I have done that through adoption? Yep. I still might; my husband and I love kids, but we don’t want to overburden the planet either. In part, I had my own kids because I was able to do so. It seems silly to say that if someone has a stable household, they shouldn’t utilize a working organ simply because other, less stable people have already done so.

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