“I Hope You’re Gay…”
When I was in grad school a couple of years back I was part of the university swing dance club and after dancing we’d go out to dinner somewhere. Most of the population at my school and, consequently, of my swing club was Mormon. Well, you know how breederific Mormons are so the other three that went to dinner that night were discussing future kids and whatever while I sat by idly and just listened. Well, that is, until they asked me what I was planning on naming my kids.
I responded that I wasn’t having kids and started discussing why I didn’t want them. Of course, being Mormons they were aghast at such a thought. They seemed to be OK with it though as they knew I didn’t share their religious beliefs (my atheism was common knowledge with pretty much all of them) but I remember the other guy making the remark “I sure hope you’re gay.”
I was surprised by his remark so I asked him why he said that, and he responded with something along the lines of “you’re not going to find a woman who doesn’t want a family.”
Admittedly, I think he is probably extremely sheltered because of his religion, so I didn’t think much of it. Though, I have to wonder at times if there’s maybe a small taste of truth to that statement. It’s obviously not universally true as I know plenty of childfree women and if you’re female and reading my blog, chances are you are too. That said, it probably is easier for gay men who are childfree to find a mate than it is for straight childfree men to do so.
With the exception of two women, all of the women I’ve ever been on dates with have wanted children, and I’ve been on dates with about 10 or so during my time. Two out of 10 (or 20%) I think is about the percentage of childfree adults, so statistically it’s a pretty accurate sample. I think gay men in particular are probably the most likely to be childfree, though many of them do want to be parents too (and I 100% support gay adoption, by the way). Lesbian women I think also probably have a high incidence of childfreedom, but in my experience they’re more likely to want children than gay men are.
I don’t really know to tell you the truth. Perhaps it is kind of strange that I’m remembering this night all of a sudden now, but it’s puzzled me beyond belief. How would things be different if I were gay? Would it be easier to find a mate? Would being gay make my childfreedom more accepted by other people? You know, it’s a complex issue, for sure! I especially encourage childfree gay men and lesbian women to chime in on this, as I’ve never really explored a potential link between being childfree and sexual orientation.
I’m looking forward to your comments!