An Emotional Roller Coaster…

This is in regards to my (now confirmed) lung cancer.

After the first biopsy, I was rather disappointed that the test came back negative. I thought I had cheated death again, so needless to say I was incredibly disappointed. I desire nothing more than sweet death. Alas, in the past few weeks I noticed changes in my body that made me wonder if I had a false negative result.

Well, I went on a business trip last week and knew something was very awry when a walk up a hill left me wheezing like an emphysemic. I decided at that point that when I got back to my hometown I was going to see a doctor again. So I made an appointment with the local ER as that’s all I can afford and the doctor who saw me had a quick listen to my lungs and was absolutely shocked at what he heard. He asked if I had any problems and I told him I was suspected of having lung cancer a couple of months ago but that the biopsy came back negative. He pulled up my records and had a look at the x-ray and shook his head and immediately ordered a PET scan.

Today, he called me into his office with the results: it is in fact cancer. Given the extent of the cancer, I have probably around 2 years to live. Of course, I refuse to live long enough for the cancer to completely take over and make me miserable.

So where do I go from here? Well, I’m stuck at my job for another month while I wait for my 60 day probationary period to pass so I don’t have to repay the company for pre-employment screening. From there, I’ve yet to decide if I should continue working there for awhile or go ahead and resign. I haven’t any money to really do much anyway. Regardless, this past year has been one of the best for me so it’s OK either way. My will does need to be updated and I already removed myself from the organ donor list as it goes against my philosophical convictions to “save a life.” From there, I’ll just have to see what happens. I do know I will be ending my life before the pain really sets in though (and it is going to at some point). Of course, I’m doing no treatment.

All I ask is that nobody feels sad for me. I’m not in the least bit sad! Rather, I’m at peace as I write the final pages on the book of my life. It’s a book that’s gone on far too long. Regardless, I will die at peace knowing I stood up for what was right and knowing I did not selfishly continue this hellhole that is life.

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About coolchildfreeguy

Childfree guy living in Mexico City. Professional pilot by day, all-around fun guy by night.

Posted on September 22, 2015, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. I am glad you can finally find some peace. It’s definitely been far too long you’ve gone without solace. As far as the lung cancer goes: I’m curious, have you still been able to keep up with your daily jogging? I imagine that’s intensely difficult!

  2. Congratulations, man! You hit the jackpot. I’d give anything to be in your place. Let’s hope the 2-year diagnosis is accurate, and it doesn’t turn into one of those “the doctors gave me 6 months to live, but here I am a decade later…” stories.

  3. Best of luck to you in the coming months, good sir. Been reading your blog for over a year now, and very happy to hear you’ll be leaving this terrible place on your own terms, and with such fortunate swiftness.

  4. What a brave and intelligent man you are! I wish you endless strength and healing.
    I love your writing and I hope that you enjoy this particular blog post of mine:
    https://boughtthehouse.wordpress.com/2015/09/10/why-arent-you-having-children/

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