Category Archives: Entertainment
“I feel good, a special kind of horny; flowers and trees depress and frankly bore me.” – Tim Curry, Toxic Love.
One of my favorite movies as a kid was FernGully: The Last Rainforest. It was a 1992 Australian animated flick that was a box office and ratings flop. It had a very strong environmentalist theme and was almost political in nature (though the target audience was too young to understand politics). I’m sure many of you children of the late 80s/early90s remember it. If you don’t remember it, you can read up about it on Wikipedia here.
Well, about three years ago I was inspired to write a fanfiction based on the characters of FernGully. I wrote a rough (read: extremely rough, riddled with poor wording, redundancies and grammatical/punctuation errors) draft and forgot about it. Of course, being an antinatalist/efilist, it had a very strong theme in that regard; sort of an antithesis of the original story line.
Well, not too long ago I was cleaning up the hard drive on one of my old PCs and came across it and so I decided to clean it up. After an all-day affair I managed to polish it up into a rather good short story. Though this isn’t my standard affair on this blog, I’ve decided to share it with you all here as it truly is an efilist’s wet dream (albeit written with a slight Pollyanna tone to soften some of the language). I hope you enjoy it as a momentary escape from the horrible “real world.”
It’s been one million years since Magi Crysta, along with the help of her fairy counterparts and the human being known as Zak, had once again imprisoned Hexxus in the baobab tree that now sits in the center of FernGully. Human beings have been extinct for nearly 500,000 years now, and FernGully has re-grown into the lush, green forest it was long before Hexxus was first released from the center of the earth – full of tall trees, rushing water, and colorful flowers decorating the ground in a thick, multi-colored carpet. Crysta is now married to her long-time boyfriend Pips and they have 100 fairy children together, in addition to countless grandchildren. Life couldn’t be better for the residents of FernGully.
Then, one day, a massive thunderstorm passed over FernGully. It was by far the worst thunderstorm in the history of the forest. It was bursting with rain, pouring down in excess of two inches per hour. Accompanying the rain were wind gusts up to 70 miles per hour and cloud-to-ground lightning strikes almost one right after another. After summoning the fairy inhabitants of the forest, Magi Crysta gently reminded everyone that rain makes things grow and that they have nothing to worry about. She reassured them all that the storm will pass and all will be normal again in the matter of a couple of days.
Sadly, Magi Crysta couldn’t have been more wrong. As the massive thunder cloud approached the center of the forest, a lightning bolt emerged from the cloud and struck the very tree Hexxus had been trapped in one million years ago. The violent lightning strike split the tree right down the center of the trunk. Though he lie there unaware of what had just happened, seconds later a second lightning bolt struck the tree and it was then that Hexxus awoke. He emerged from deep within the base of the tree, taking the form of a big, black cloud full of acid rain and electricity. Determined not to fail a third time in his conquest to completely destroy FernGully, Hexxus set off to find Magi Crysta and her followers to exact his revenge on the fairies that had imprisoned him all those years ago.
Meanwhile, the fairies and creatures of the forest had taken shelter in a nearby cave to ride out the storm. They were completely unaware of what had just happened, but all of a sudden they heard a loud male voice laughing in the distance, followed by repeated thunderclaps and the sounds of trees being shattered one right after the other. It took Magi Crysta a moment to remember the voice, but she eventually recognized it as Hexxus’. She promptly sprung into action and emerged from the cave, making eye contact with Hexxus as he passed directly over it.
“You just thought you were rid of me,” Hexxus taunted as Crysta emerged from the cave. “I’m back and better than ever! Nobody is going to stop me now!”
Grossly overpowered, Crysta retreated to the cave to tell the fairies what had happened and summon reinforcements. Reminding them of the events of one million years ago that led to the release and re-imprisonment of Hexxus, the fairies set out to once again contain the beast hellbent on destroying their homeland.
In an attempt to be devoured by Hexxus in order to trap him from the inside out once again, Crysta picked a seed from a nearby gourd and flew right up to Hexxus’ mouth. However, Hexxus had learned his lesson the last time and refused to open his mouth as Crysta approached his lips. Instead, he slapped her to the ground with such force that a 3 inch crater was carved into the earth below. As the fairies emerged from the cave to tend to their beloved Magi, Hexxus made quick work of them, offing each one of them with a sharp lightning strike that set the ground and the neighboring trees ablaze.
Magi Crysta was now the only fairy left standing. At her ripe old age, she was unfortunately much too weak to take on the mighty Hexxus by herself. In one final, desperate attempt to trap Hexxus, she planted the seed in the ground and attempted to grow it. The geriatric, frail Magi tried her damnedest, but the puny little shrub that emerged was quickly devoured by the flames. It wasn’t even a millisecond later that Crysta was engulfed by the blaze. Though she made a valiant effort to escape, her fragile, tired wings couldn’t lift her into flight and she perished in the fire just as all of her loyal subjects had done so moments earlier. Hexxus was now completely unopposed in his conquest.
As the storm died out, Hexxus sought refuge in the flames and fed off of them, becoming a massive cloud of smoke and fire. He made quick work of the forest and Mount Warning. In just hours he had completely and totally wrecked the entire continent of Australia.
Of course, that wasn’t enough for Hexxus and his insatiable appetite for death and destruction. Changing forms as he fed on the necessary toxins to destroy whatever habitat he had arrived in, Hexxus slowly migrated around the earth, destroying absolutely everything in his path – both land and sea. After a 10 million year conquest, Hexxus had managed to turn the once lush, green planet earth into a desolate wasteland with a shocking resemblance to planet Mars.
Alas, that would prove to be his eventual undoing. In completely wrecking the planet, Hexxus had fallen victim to the very thing that had driven the human race to extinction half a million years ago. Completely unaware of just how limited his resources were, he used them up and gave absolutely no consideration to conserving them for future use. Instead, he burned them up at an unsustainable rate to fuel his thirst for power. As he now had absolutely no poison to feed off of, Hexxus slowly diminished into nothingness, vanishing from existence altogether. Hexxus was officially no more and could no longer threaten any other world anywhere in the universe.
As a little bonus material, here’s the song the opening line of this blog comes from. It’s sure to get everyone horny. I know it does me. It kills me they were even able to get away with a G rating with this song in the movie. It was edited a bit for the movie, but still.
You know, I absolutely LOVE it when breeder trolls come along and leave barely-veiled insults in the comments sections of my entries. What’s funny is often times what they consider an insult, I absolutely agree with and take it to another level!
That happened twice today. Some person who refused to prove any name left a couple of comments he/she thought would totally insult me. Instead, I turned the tables and joke was totally on this person.
First up is seemingly an insult on my intelligence and/or character. This is one I’ve heard numerous times in one way or another:
“It’s unfortunate that your mother brought you into this world.”
Well, here was my response that no doubt probably left this person’s head spinning:
“I absolutely agree. It IS unfortunate that my mother brought me into this world, just like it’s unfortunate that your mother brought you into this world and that all of our mothers brought all of us into this world.
‘Each one of us was harmed by being brought into existence. That harm is not negligible, because the quality of even the best lives is very bad-and considerably worse than most people recognize it to be. Although it is obviously too late to prevent our own existence, it is not too late to prevent the existence of future possible people.’ – David Benatar from his book Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence.”
OK then, so apparently I got under this person’s skin a bit, so he/she made this pathetic little retort:
“You’re a really sad person “
Aside from the obvious lack of punctuation, that was a pretty pathetic retort, to which I replied with:
“I prefer ‘realistic’ to ‘sad,’ though I learned long ago that reality isn’t all roses, and as sad as reality might be, to paraphrase the late, great Carl Sagan it’s better to live in reality than persist in delusion no matter how blissful it might be to live in delusion.”
Well, once again, as I’ve warned trolls before, don’t come here and troll me, lest ye have a public spectacle made out of yourself. I reserve the right to metaphorically bend you over my knee and bust your ass with a switch, chew you up, and spit you out like the little vermin you are. Tread with caution if you ever decide to troll me. You might not like the public humiliation that befalls you if you continue.
Has anyone noticed this other than me? How the media just seems to glorify pregnancy and worship pregnant celebrities, regardless of how vile said celebrities are? I mean, it’s like they give them a goddess-like status. Well, quite frankly I’m tired of it.
First it was shows like 16 and pregnant, John & Kate Plus 8, 19 Kids and Counting, and other BS shows like that, then it evolved into birthing shows and stupid shit of that sort, and now it’s made its way to fucking game shows. In the US, The Price is Right currently has two pregnant models and host Drew Carey does everything in his power to absolutely worship and adore the pregnant models on that show. It’s disgusting in every way, shape, and form.
Yes, you read that right, I said it was disgusting, and there are two reasons for this. First of all, it gives girls the impression that pregnancy is glamorous and that they need to hurry up and get pregnant because it’s the thing to do. You want to see teen pregnancy plummet? The media is the place to start. If it wasn’t for their glorifying pregnancy we wouldn’t have near the problem with teen pregnancy as we do today. Second there’s the issue of reproducing biologically when there are millions of kids out there who need a home. If anyone can afford the expensive legal adoption process, it’s celebs, but instead of doing that they just have to produce a little me. It’s ridiculous.
No, we should be doing just the opposite to pregnant celebrities. The media should be treating them with contempt instead of reverence. They need to be called out for the narcissistic, selfish bitches they are. The pregnant TPIR models need to be fucking fired. Like I said, they’re in a perfect position to give already born children actually very good lives, yet they choose not to do that. Further, we should be making a mockery out of them so that these young, unmarried girls get the impression that that’s what will happen to them if they get pregnant (well, it already does, so it would be an accurate thing to do) and maybe, just maybe it will deter them. Sometimes public humiliation has its place.
Now, this is not to say that women should get all the blame. We should be totally trashing the men who got them pregnant too. Most male celebrities are scum anyway, so we already kind of give them a bad name, but the baby daddies need to feel the wrath of the media too, for many of the same reasons the pregnant celebrities do. As it is, celebrity daddies are given a god-like status for equally crappy reasons. The media glorifies fatherhood just as much as it glorifies motherhood and pregnancy, and that’s just crappy as well.
The bottom line is that when the media glorifies pregnancy (and fatherhood), the young, impressionable, and very horny teenagers think it’s the thing to do and will make babies. If it was treated with contempt maybe things would be different. Shame on you, media.
Re-posting here as I was quoted in this story. I’m famous ;-P
Childfree people around the world have banded together to call for a boycott against the Apple Computer Company, claiming they are being unfairly discriminated against due to Apple’s lack of inclusion of the word “childfree” in their devices’ dictionaries, which flags it as a misspelling.
Apple, makers of the famed Macintosh computer and the “iProducts” does not include the word “childfree” in its spell-check dictionary, while the word “childless” is included and is recognized by spell-check. Unlike Apple’s, Microsoft’s spell-check dictionary includes the word “childfree” and does not flag it as a misspelling.
The childfree community claims that Apple is being discriminatory against them, erroneously labeling all people who don’t have children as “childless.” Childfree people claim that the term is used to differentiate them and place emphasis on the fact that their lack of children is by choice rather than by circumstance, and they should not be grouped together with childless persons.
Lynn M., corporate pilot and author of the popular childfree-themed blog Cool Childfree Guy, who does not want his last name revealed for fear of retaliation from the Apple Computer Company and angry parents, had this to say:
“I’m disappointed that Apple has chosen to not recognize us childfree people for who we are. They’ve sent their message loud and clear that we’re not people worthy of recognition. They, like so many other individuals and companies, appear to think that one’s worthiness is dependent on their ability and willingness to breed. For those reasons, I cannot in good conscience support Apple or its products. I call on all the members of the childfree community to switch to the childfree-friendly PC.”
Apple has not yet responded to this delicate matter.
This story brought to you by CNN, the Childfree News Network.
So I have a friend back in the States who’s really into the GSN’s raunchy “Dating Game” spinoff called “Baggage.” For those who’ve never watched the show: it’s like the dating game, but each one of three potential dates has three pieces of baggage, which can be embarrassing, bad, or just plain disgusting secrets. There’s one small, one medium, and one large piece of baggage, and whoever the contestant selects then has to decide whether or not he/she can deal with the contestant’s baggage.
Well, my friend yesterday just had to IM me and tell me what went down on yesterday’s episode. The contestant was a woman, this time going through three potential men. At the end when she selected her date, she of course then had to reveal her baggage. Her piece of baggage was essentially that she didn’t like kids and did not want them. Ultimately, the man she selected said he couldn’t deal with her baggage and after the show said he’d always dreamed of having a “large family.”
This really brings up two things I wanted to address in today’s blog, and I wanted to address each one, so here we go:
To the lady: kudos to you for being so upfront and honest about being childfree. For you, and most other CF people, this is a very important aspect of who we are and how we identify ourselves. I think it’s better for you to be honest and lose out on a date than to wind up dating someone who has different visions than you do. Quite frankly, if that’s the worst of your baggage feel free to look up any CF dating site and find the CF man of your dreams. We do exist, so please do not get discouraged.
To the man: kudos to you for saying you couldn’t accept her baggage. It says something about you that you’d be willing to turn down a date with a CF woman instead of pursuing her and trying to manipulate her into having children and/or trying to forcibly change her mind. In that regard I have a lot more respect for you than a lot of other people who desire children. However, I do want to suggest that you think long and hard about having a “large family.” I hope you have a financial plan and a way to support them before you do. I bet you could find any number of Catholic women who could make you happy, so that’s not an issue whatsoever.
I’m a firm believer that couples should both be on the same page concerning children, whether you’re CF, desire children, or a fencesetter (seriously, I think it’d be better if two fencesetters married than a fencesetter marrying someone who has a firm decision on children). So in that way, I’m glad that they didn’t go on a date or pursue a relationship, because neither one would be happy with the other’s child status.
That’s just my take though. Did any of my readers watch yesterday? What are your thoughts?