Category Archives: Relationships
I was reading a couple of entries recently over on Breederoo (or, to be more politically correct I suppose, Momaroo [a Xanga sister site] which I refer to as Breederoo because every one of the bitches that posts there has a total breeder mentality) talking about Mothers’ Day gifts and I’m over here just rolling my eyes the entire time. It’s like they were saying they actually deserve something for Mothers’ Day other than a swift kick in the rear end for bringing their poor children into existence (which, as I’ve established many times on this site, is a great harm and it would have been better never to exist).
Well, let’s get something straight, bitches. Your kids don’t owe you jack shit for Mothers’ Day or any other day, just like they aren’t obligated to care for you in your own age or anything else you think your damn kids owe you. “What I Want for Mothers’ Day?” “Ten Things I DON’T Want For Mothers’ Day?” Yeah, FUCK YOU, STUPID MOO!!! You better just be damn grateful your kids got you anything at all. They don’t owe you a damn thing, I don’t care if it is Mothers’ Day. Just be fucking glad they aren’t cursing your name for bringing you into this world. Get your fucking heads out of your asses and realize you don’t deserve some special gift for DOING YOUR FUCKING JOB AS A PARENT!!!! JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!
Though, sadly, selfish narcissistic parents are the norm today. They think they’ve done the world’s greatest thing by bringing children into existence (when the opposite is true, they committed the world’s greatest atrocity by doing so), and that the whole world revolves around their damn kids and that we should bend over backwards to accommodate them, coo over them, awe over them, WHATEVER!!!!! I’m tired of this kid/parent-friendly world worshipping breeders and their spawn at their fucking feet!
Fuck Mothers’ Day.
Well, in the great wide world of bullshit comes another bullshit quote that I got sent directly to me via email. Yes, folks, sometimes angry breeders just send their angry comments to my email rather than leave them on whatever blog pissed them off, because they know chances are I’m not going to approve their ignorant drivel (heads up: I have to read your incoherent bullshit one way or another, even if I don’t approve it, so I don’t see why you go to the extra trouble!).
Anyway, this breeder bitch who we shall refer to as “Becky” for the purposes of this blog basically told me that she had the “right” and the “responsibility” to bash childfree people because choosing not to have children is “unnatural.” She then goes on a whole religious tirade (no surprise there, eh?) about how God designed the reproductive system for reproduction and to suppress it is to go against God’s divine nature and blah blah blah. Well, if she paid any attention to this blog, she should know that I’m an atheist bordering on antitheist and that said arguments don’t get anywhere with me, so I dismissed her religious tirade altogether. That said, saying that being childfree is “unnatural” really got me, because she (assuming she’s as good of a Christian as she claims to be) partakes in something unnatural as well.
The thing I speak of is something most people probably partake in and have never given it any second thought, but it is in fact unnatural to the human species. It’s so unnatural, in fact, that over half of marriages end in divorce. It’s something so completely contrary to the nature human beings, that infidelity/adultery is rampant across all ethnic backgrounds, religious affiliations, and everything else. What is this thing I speak of? Monogamy, of course!
Yes, folks, whether we want to admit it or not, human beings are not really meant for monogamy. We are polyamorous by our very programming. Yet monogamy seems to be a gold standard so many shoot for and seems to be dictated as more of a “societal norm.” Regardless of what society deems “acceptable” or not, the biological fact remains that human beings are not naturally monogamous. Go figure!
So, my dear Becky, before you start arguing with me about how being childfree goes against anything and everything we are designed to do, take a look at your monogamous marriage, because what you are participating in is in fact unnatural to humans. That’s why your argument that what I do is “unnatural” fails. What was it that Jesus said about before you remove the speck in my eye, first remove the plank from yours? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Check and mate, bitch.
Go run along and play with your little sprogs now, why don’t you? And unless you want me to verbally destroy you on my blog again, I suggest you not send me any more of your religious, unscientific garbage, because I WILL do it and think nothing of it.
So I got a comment on my old post about Childfree dating about a childfree dating site. I decided to check it out and it seems legit.
I’m not into dating at the moment. I’m still in my “sleep around” stage I’m afraid (typical mid 20s male, eh?) but I’m linking here in case you want to check it out.
I can’t count how many times in the past I’ve been really good friends with someone before they had children, and then no matter how much I liked them or how good of friends we were, all of a sudden when their kid was born we were no longer friends. It’s happened time and time again.
Quite frankly I don’t care if someone wants to have kids. I really don’t. I don’t comprehend why anyone would willingly subject themselves to raising a kid and all that goes along with it (not the least of which include incessant crying, shit-filled diapers, the ridiculously high price tag, among everything else), especially since that’s an investment that yields absolutely no return whatsoever, but I don’t judge them for it. It’s their life and they can live it however they wish, and who am I to tell them what they can and can’t do with their lives? I believe in personal freedom and liberty for all people, so far be it from me to get in the way of someone else’s life.
So here we go. A friend gets pregnant and then announces it to everyone they know. All her friends are all over her congratulating her and whatever, except for me. I don’t say anything whatsoever, other than an “oh, okay” and I left it at that. I didn’t make a fuss about it, and I definitely didn’t pull the same card breeders pull of “you’ll regret it someday.” She gets all bent out of shape that I didn’t say exactly what I was supposed to (“congratulations, you’ll be a wonderful mother”). It’s as though I was supposed to be reading from a script or something.
Fastforward nine months. The baby is born and she is showing off her baby pictures on Facebook and whatever. Of course I don’t want to to look at them (and she should know this), so why didn’t she select the “hide this from” option on her Facebook and hide them from me, that way I didn’t have to look at that? No, I don’t want to see pictures of your baby any more than I want to see pictures of your dog taking a dump. Yet again, she gets really angry with me for not being all “Awww, how cute” and congratulating her. Except this time I didn’t say anything at all. Not even “oh, okay” as I knew that upset her last time. I bit my tongue, even though I eventually had to hide her posts from my inbox because I got tired of having to look at another baby picture every other fucking day.
Of course, for the next month I heard nothing out of her, which is to be expected. She’s incredibly busy which I completely understand. A newborn baby is a lot of work, and I know that and have experienced something similar raising a newborn puppy. The next thing I hear out of her is making up excuses for why we can’t be friends anymore, and she never once mentioned the real reason why. She lied to her other friends about me, said I “turned on her.” She said I “played her.” Of course, neither of these accusations are true. I just didn’t feel the same excitement she did over her new kid, so therefore I wasn’t worthy of her time and had to go.
Well, my case is hardly unique. I hear similar stories from childfree people all the time. A friend has a kid and suddenly their friendship dissolves. It’s happened to me more than once, actually. It’s a sad state of affairs, but I also believe it speaks to a double standard. They think it’s perfectly OK to badger us about not having children, saying we’ll regret it or that we’ll change our minds or that they feel sorry for us. Yet, when we make the same sentiments and/or don’t share their excitement for bringing their little “bundle of joy” into their lives, we’re horrible people, and in my experience new mothers have the absolute WORST superiority complex of all. I hate to say it, but it’s the God’s honest truth.
Now, this is not to say it’s this way with all parents or all new mothers. I am friends with some childed people. I respect their decision and they respect mine. They understand that I probably don’t want to hear about their children or don’t want to look at pictures of their children. In that way, they keep that part of their life “secret” from me, if you will. I, in turn, don’t ever badger them about it, and we get along great. It just seems these people are in the minority, though.
Alas, this is just another example of how this world looks down on the childfree.
Do any of you other CFers have similar experiences? Share them in the comments!
Now, before I get going, no, I’m not talking about abortion directly here. I fully support a woman’s right to choose to either carry to term or terminate a pregnancy, and I don’t believe anyone else on the face of the planet has any right to tell her what to do with her own body in that regard. That’s not what this is about. Rather, this is about giving men sort of a “separate but equal” option so to speak.
Women are (correctly, I might add) given sole authority in what happens to their body during pregnancy. They don’t need anyone else’s consent to have an abortion (not even that of the father of the child), as well they should not be required to (with the exception of under-18s in some places, which I’m also against requiring parental consent). That said, with such power should come responsibility. If the man wants nothing to do with the kid but she decides to keep it, it’s simply her burden and nobody else’s. As it is, the law doesn’t really work this way in most countries.
I don’t know much about child support laws in my home country, but the States where I’m originally from has child support laws that are stacked in favor of women and men are left hung out to dry. Men everywhere in the States and several other countries are stuck paying child support to children they want nothing to do with and completely waived any and all parental rights to. This doesn’t happen is 100% of cases (it seems to be up to the judge deciding the case whether or not to terminate child support payments) but it SHOULD happen in 100% of cases.
When a woman has an abortion she’s absolving herself of any and all financial and parental responsibility for that potential child. When a man signs over his rights, he’s just absolved of the latter. That doesn’t automatically absolve him from financial responsibility. This is wrong, and in this way, the law gives women way too much power.
For the record, I believe it goes the other way too. If the man wants the child, the woman doesn’t, but for whatever reason she chooses to carry to term and give sole custody over to the father and thus sign over her rights, I don’t think the father should be entitled to child support either, because now that child is HIS burden.
You might be saying “you’d believe differently if this happened to you.” Well, guess what? This exact thing did in fact happen to me, and I’m just going to go ahead and spill the beans about this, as I don’t tell many people this. My biological father never wanted anything to do with me. When he got my mother pregnant with me (this was her 2nd pregnancy with him, she aborted the first one) he walked out. His brother being the big-shot lawyer he was, drafted up a document that said he agreed to surrender parental rights in exchange for my mother not collecting child support. She agreed to the terms. I’ve not talked to my biological father but a few times, and I don’t even know if he’s still alive or what he’s up to these days. Do I hold anything against him? Absolutely not. I hold no grudges or hard feelings toward the man, and if he ever decides he wants a father-son relationship with me, the door is wide open. He doesn’t seem to want that, though.
Of course, in the meanwhile I was left to be raised by my evil step-father who I hated with every fiber of my being. I’d have rather had no father figure than him. He’s the one I’ll forever hold several grudges against. He didn’t come into the picture until several years later and I wish he had never.
So yeah, a man’s right to choose whether or not he wishes to pay child support. That’s what I’m in favor of. Of course, if he chooses not to he should be required to completely surrender all parental rights (including visitation, claiming the child as a dependent on taxes, and everything else), but I think that’s a fair trade-off. No man should be stuck paying child support to a child he surrenders all rights to, and it happens way too much.
Do a Google search for “childfree” or any variant of the word and you’ll pop up a ton of hits to childfree bloggers all over the net. Also notice that a vast majority of them have one thing in common: they’re all run by women.
All of this makes me step back and scratch my head, because in my experience from people I know personally, of the men I know vs. the women I know, there is a larger percentage of men that identify as childfree vs. women who do so. Now, I know my sample size is teeny tiny and might not be really anything to gauge the demographics of the childfree community on, but I have to step back and scratch my head at this phenomenon.
Is it that childfree women are more outspoken about their childfreedom than the men? Are men ashamed to admit they won’t be passing down their family lineage/surnames? Are men more afraid of the backlash they might receive than women? Are they more fearful of rejection that childfree women?
Whatever the case, I think we need more childfree men to step up and get vocal about their childfreedom. For one, our poor female childfree counterparts need like-minded men for relationships/marriage. For another thing, though we both face many of the same issues for identifying as childfree, childfree men also face a completely different set of issues than do childfree women. Issues that are equally important to the issues faced uniquely by childfree women. However, because men aren’t as outspoken, many of these issues are overlooked or not brought to the attention of the general public. This is not a good thing.
With that, I issue a challenge to all you childfree men out there: publicly make your childfree declaration and make it big and loud! Make sure the whole world knows that you’re CF. Further, I challenge you to start raising hell about the issues that stare you in the face as a direct result of your childfreedom and start vocally fighting to even the playing field, because you know as well as I do this world favors breeders/wannabreeders over the childfree. Every additional able body we can get to step up and fight for our rights (male or female, quite frankly) makes our movement that much stronger.
Are you game?
Haha, no, I swear that isn’t what has happened to me. I just want to address the issue as a whole of men who have been duped by women into having children, and what we can do about it.
As I mentioned several times on this blog, I’m sterile so it’s never something I have to worry about. I took matters into my own hands in this regard, for good reason. I don’t want to be tricked into being a parent, I don’t want kids, I know what I want. Period, end of story.
That said, I have heard of cases where CF men have been duped into fathering a child. Most often, this involves the woman cheating on her birth control or outright lying to them about being on birth control just to get some viable sperm to produce a child. Yes, some people are in fact *THAT* desperate to have a kid, for reasons I know not, but it is true. Further, with the way child custody and child support laws in most countries favor women, the men get shafted into giving up part of their paycheck against their will to support a child that came to be against their will, even if they “sign over” their rights. Put it plainly: men get the short end of the stick in the deal.
Don’t let this happen to you. Always take matters into your own hands. Wear a condom. Get a vasectomy. NEVER, EVER leave it up to chance. You never know when someone may be lying to you about birth control just to get pregnant. Always err on the side of caution and trust nobody. That’s the only way to prevent this from happening to you.
Go out, have fun, but be careful and stay safe. This has been your PSA for the day. 😛
So I have a friend back in the States who’s really into the GSN’s raunchy “Dating Game” spinoff called “Baggage.” For those who’ve never watched the show: it’s like the dating game, but each one of three potential dates has three pieces of baggage, which can be embarrassing, bad, or just plain disgusting secrets. There’s one small, one medium, and one large piece of baggage, and whoever the contestant selects then has to decide whether or not he/she can deal with the contestant’s baggage.
Well, my friend yesterday just had to IM me and tell me what went down on yesterday’s episode. The contestant was a woman, this time going through three potential men. At the end when she selected her date, she of course then had to reveal her baggage. Her piece of baggage was essentially that she didn’t like kids and did not want them. Ultimately, the man she selected said he couldn’t deal with her baggage and after the show said he’d always dreamed of having a “large family.”
This really brings up two things I wanted to address in today’s blog, and I wanted to address each one, so here we go:
To the lady: kudos to you for being so upfront and honest about being childfree. For you, and most other CF people, this is a very important aspect of who we are and how we identify ourselves. I think it’s better for you to be honest and lose out on a date than to wind up dating someone who has different visions than you do. Quite frankly, if that’s the worst of your baggage feel free to look up any CF dating site and find the CF man of your dreams. We do exist, so please do not get discouraged.
To the man: kudos to you for saying you couldn’t accept her baggage. It says something about you that you’d be willing to turn down a date with a CF woman instead of pursuing her and trying to manipulate her into having children and/or trying to forcibly change her mind. In that regard I have a lot more respect for you than a lot of other people who desire children. However, I do want to suggest that you think long and hard about having a “large family.” I hope you have a financial plan and a way to support them before you do. I bet you could find any number of Catholic women who could make you happy, so that’s not an issue whatsoever.
I’m a firm believer that couples should both be on the same page concerning children, whether you’re CF, desire children, or a fencesetter (seriously, I think it’d be better if two fencesetters married than a fencesetter marrying someone who has a firm decision on children). So in that way, I’m glad that they didn’t go on a date or pursue a relationship, because neither one would be happy with the other’s child status.
That’s just my take though. Did any of my readers watch yesterday? What are your thoughts?
Another thing that pisses me off is when breeders ask the very question above, or some variant of that question. Are they seriously implying that the only reason to get married is to have children? If that’s not their implication, then they SERIOUSLY need a reality check and they don’t know what marriage is all about.
I personally can think of many reasons why you’d want to get married even if you don’t want children, and I think many people can. In my opinion, the only reason to marry someone is because you are madly in love with them and you want to spend the rest of your life with them. Of course, the tax breaks and other legal benefits you get with being married are an added bonus and add incentive to go ahead and tie the knot (as opposed to having just a long-term relationship), but the reason you should marry someone is for love and no other reason.
Further, as is evidenced by all the illegitimate children out there, you don’t have to get married to have a kid anyway. People have casual sex and/or premarital sex all the time. It’s not like you have to be married to have sex. I’m not against premarital sex, don’t get me wrong, but all it takes is one time to get pregnant. Granted, one way or another, it is favorable if the kid has access to both parents in the home, but I’m just making the point marriage isn’t necessary to have a child.
Oh, and here’s another reason that question pisses me off: what about those who CAN’T have children? If these people had their way, would there be some sort of required fertility test to get married? I absolutely cringe at the thought! If they really think breeding should be a prerequisite for marriage, then that’s the only way to go about it. Talk about a serious infringement on personal autonomy and rights!
One last thing I will mention about this ridiculousness. The lack of breeding potential is a common argument against gay marriage. In that light, you can see mainly where the whole argument comes from: religion. Laws against gay marriage are stupid and so is any religion-based legislation (well, religion is stupid too but that’s beside the point).
Breeding should NEVER be a reason to get married. That’s just stupid. Marry because you love a person, not for their fertility.
I’ve read several studies now that all conclude that childfree couples (interpreted: never have had children) tend to be happier than couples in any other child status, including so-called “empty nesters” (those whose kids are all grown and gone). I’ve often wondered to myself why that is. What is it about the childfree way of life is making these couples happier?
In thinking about it, I’ve come up with a number of reasons that might explain this phenomenon, some of which are probably obvious, others of which are not so obvious. We’ll deal with each one of my thoughts individually, but please keep in mind much of this is just speculation on my part, and I’m in no way going to claim any of this as absolute fact.
First things first, a recurring theme and mention that has come up on my blog throughout the post: finances. There’s no way to deny that children are expensive. Even one child is enough to put financial stress on a couple who’s already struggling to make ends meet. Each additional child further stretches the budget. What’s ironic about that, though is that I’ve read a number of studies that have determined that people who identify as childfree as a whole tend to have higher gross incomes than those who either want or have children. Financial stress can and does put a strain on a couple’s relationship (and the converse is also true), so this absolutely makes sense.
Then there’s the issue of freedom. Couples without children are obviously more free to do stuff on their own accord or with each other than if they had children. Freedom to travel the world, engage in interest and hobbies, go out at night, among other things. They are more able to totally immerse themselves in their interest and hobbies. This is good for mental health and happiness as well.
It’s been conjectured that childfree couples also tend to have better sex lives. While at first I had trouble understanding the reasoning behind this initially, I slowly started climb on board with this theory. Having children around can really mess up spontaneity. When you’re in the mood, you’re in the mood. If the kids aren’t in bed yet, well, it’s hard to just get it on without them the wiser, unless you just leave them by themselves, which is a mess. Also, kids can interrupt sexy time (especially babies if they wake in the night), which is frustrating. That can lead to all sorts of problems. Well, I think I rest my case here.
I think there are some other minor factors that might come into play. More time for one another, more education (childfree couples tend to be better educated, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a correlation between education and happiness), more time to advance one’s career, among other things. I think we could conjecture all day as to the reasons as to why childfree couples may be happier, but I think extensive research would have to be done. I’d be interested to see how such studies would come out.
What do you guys think?